Friday, June 29, 2012

You Must Dub

by Jonas Dogara
I dey vex. Yes, I dey vex. Yes, no remind me say no be only me dey vex. You sef fit dey vex right now too. E fit be say your laptop computer or your phone dey about to off now as you never charge am because of NEPA (or PHCN if you believe wetin dem dey tell us). E fit just be say you just see lipstick stain for him shirt and him dey rake say ‘something no fit stain man shirt again?’ Or e fit just be say… Over-yarning! Wetin I dey talk be say you sef fit dey vex like me for something wey dey happen for your life or our country

Wetin dey make me vex now na exams. Last time I talk about exams and some kind things wey I done experience wey dey make me laugh anytime I remember them. True true, exam wayo and expo na bad things, but sometimes the way these bad things dey happen and dem dey make us laugh. But that na sometimes. In fact, na few times. Most of the time e dey just make belle turn person (that is if no be you carry the bullet or dey do the dubbing). Right now my belle dey turn me.
No need for this!
Somebody close to me dey write the May/June NECO O’ Level Exams. She ask for money the other day to go exam and I shake my head as I dey look her.

‘I think say you done already pay exam fee. Wetin you wan carry N1500 do?’ I ask.

She say ‘If we no pay N1500, dem no go even let us enter the hall o!’

I open eye, mouth and nose dey look her. ‘How?!’

‘The other day wey we write Biology Practicals, na wetin happen. Na my friend borrow me the money I use pay. And dem say when e reach Maths and English, the price go go up.’ She dey explain.

‘You sure say no be for expo?’ I reply.

‘Dem say with that one, we fit do anything wey we like. So even if you no wan copy sef, you must pay the money or dem go frustrate you.’

I wan mad! I no fit understand wetin I dey hear. I know say exam malpractice done come to stay for our system. At every level e be like say to copy or bring somebody to write exam for another person done turn to normal thing. E no dey like say anybody get problem with am. Nobody dey really complain about am. But I no know say we done reach that level where we dey insist say people must copy whether dem like am or not… or dem must pay to copy whether dem wan copy or not. So this girl wey wan write her exam, the way exam suppose dey, must pay money now or she go fail.

I ask her about their teachers and she tell me say na dem and the External Supervisor dey do the thing. Principal nko? She dey come inside the hall sometimes, look the area and see say the dubbing dey go on fine. Then she go waka! Principal too!

This na the very way!
When I write my English paper for WAEC, I remember wetin happen between principal and one of my classmates wey hide Key Points inside pant enter hall. I no know whether e wan copy essay or comprehension from the Key Points o. That our principal, no be normal cane e dey carry o. Na small bamboo stick e dey carry. E carry that thing for many years and e no break! When e catch the boy with the Key Points ehn, e just wrestle the boy comot for him sit, bring out the bamboo, begin tidy the boy one hand! As e dey whip am, the boy dey shout ‘Sir please sir! Sir please sir!’ By the time e finish with the boy, to siddon write the exam sef na wahala. The boy look like say e wrestle with Amalinze the Cat! I know say the guy been dey talk say na because of the flogging e no pass English, but that na fat lie. With the kind English wey e take dey beg as principal dey light am up sef, hope no dey! The point be say e no possible for person to copy when teachers dey sef not to talk of principal.

So now we get problem wey get different parts. We dey tell our young people say all you need for this country na to pay the right amount of money and you go get anything you want. We dey tell the children of poor people (wey their parents done struggle to pay exam fee) say dem no fit pass unless dem go thief. We dey produce secondary school leavers wey no know dem left from dem right. Then dem go use magumagu enter university and dem go continue to dey pay until dem graduate. Which kind graduates wey dey expect then? The type wey dey ask ‘Abeg where I go turn?’ when dem hear command of ‘Left turn!’

We human beings go always try to cheat the system and get everything wey dem fit get from am without punishment. But we expect say the system go dey make attempt to prevent people from succeeding. But in our own e dey like say the system dey actually make sure say people wey no wan cheat sef dey cheat! Only for Naija…

Also, make we no forget say this examination malpractice thing na criminal offence o. Actually, according to our law, person fit go prison for 21 years if dem catch am dey do this kind thing. Ehm… we still dey wait for the first person wey go go that prison sha.

Seriously sha, we need to do something. We no go fit continue like this and expect say our country go better. Personally, I get plans. This man wey wan chop N1500… Hmmm… I sure say e no dey read newspaper. Because if e dey read newspaper e go done read about Farouk Lawan, Femi Odetola, Bribe Money and Sting Operations….

This na @nfsqueezed on Twitter


  1. E happen to me too during JAMB all the people wey de write for the class i dey pay the invigilator come de make noise,na rush i take do the exam and i no even know how i take pass. Which way Nigeria??

  2. The girl get luck say na only 1500 sef.for my GCE hall back then,the principal carry the girl from hall go him office discuss how she wan take pass the exam.she "submit" to the man but she the girl talk with her mouth wen we jam for UST.

  3. This na the terrible condition wey we don put we self for this country. The people wey e supposed be their job to dey take care of we young people and make sure say we dey turn out responsible and resourceful young people, don decide say na "awuf" money dem go dey use we young people to make. Dem don teach dem say money fit buy anything. The very sad thing be say we no care about the values wey our young people dey get these days. We go say we care. And we dey try show am by talking about the things we feel dey bad. But we no dey do anything beyond that point. We no dey stand up ask questions. We no dey say "no" we no go do am. Abeg make I stop. The thing do dey too long

    1. I dey fear for us young people. My fear be say as the thing be now, our own go bad pass our father's own o. You dey completely correct say we no dey say we no go do. We dey do and put jara!

  4. O boy na just this night I see your blog. I be Port Harcourt boy. I bin remember Boma Erekosima, come dey find where I fit hear those im old old broadcast, dey pray say the thing dey internet. I no find anything sha but at least I com jam dis your blog. Na correct gist you dey gist so abeg. Keep up the good work. Peace.

    P.S. - If you know where person fit listen to Boma Erekosima old recording for internet abeg shake body. I dey miss PH.

    1. My broda, thank you for stopping by o.

      Me sef done look for Boma Erekosima recordings tire, but I no fit find am. That man been dey perform wonders before most of us even understand wetin stand up comedy be. Na extraordinary comedian wey dey do him thing as MC/Compere, newscaster, presenter, etc. I believe say person fit attempt to get something from Radio Rivers, Port Harcourt sha. I go try them see. E go dey nice to fit get something for posterity.