You dey use Twitter? Maybe you
dey use am. If you no dey use am, you are on a loooooong thing! You need to go
there and start to follow me sharply! If you dey use am, then you go done see
UberFacts. If you never see am, then you too dey on a looong thing (with less
Os). Those UberFacts people dey tweet plenty crase things dem wey go make your
mind dey go places wey e no suppose go at all! Some of the tweet dem eh…
Anyway, on June 15, 2012 I see
one tweet by UberFacts wey been sweet me, no be small. See the tweet under.
You see am? The one inside the red box. Okay, you dey think wetin I dey think? No lie, you dey think wetin I dey think! Somehow to be monkey no look like bad idea abi? No be anyhow monkey o. Na the ones wey come from the tribe of Bonobo near Calabar! Na lie, no mind me. UberFacts no talk that one.
But you done dey imagine how
you go just dey swing from tree to tree and as you dey swing you go jam okpeke
monkey and things go begin happen? Yes, I done think am too. What if you come
jam like 5 okpeke monkey dem? See groove! But e go hard small. I dey wonder if
the guy monkey fit shift greeting to another time… E go be like
‘Hello babes. Abeg, I go greet
Ekaette, Timi and Nkechi now. Zainab and Tope, I fit reach una area later this
evening for greeting?’
 |
| Swinging Monkey courtesy www.free-funnypictures.cc |
If you come jam monkey wey
wowor well well… How e go be? E fit be say na fine babe monkey jam wowor guy
monkey.
Guy monkey go be like ‘Amina!
Amina!’ Amina go do like say she no hear.
‘Amina, na me, Akpos, dey call
you.’ By that time, Akpos done jump go stand for the next tree wey Amina
suppose jump go, so that she must see am. ‘You no go greet me?’
Amina go look Akpos and with
straight face say ‘Na who you dey call Amina? My name na Hafsat and I no be
monkey o. I be baboon!’
‘Baboon ko, bambi ni! No be you
wey…’ Ehm… you fit complete the rest…
Greeting go become big issue o.
What if two different guy monkey dem dey waka their own and come jam babe
monkey at the same time? How e go be? Who she go greet first? Well, na yawa go
gas for that place immediately!
But what if two guy monkey or
two babe monkey dem come jam? Ehen, those UberFact people wey write that thing
been forget to talk how that one go be. I done dey try reason the thing small
sha and…
Wetin I talk? I reason wetin? No
be me go begin think go that side o. Say guy monkey and guy monkey dey… Lai
lai, I no reason anything! You know how e be na. For Naija, our wonderful
government say even if na only think you think am sef, and dem manage find out
say you been think that kind thing (police done dey employ dibia), na 14 years
for that place! You know that place na. Some people like Alamieyeseigha and
Bode George done reach there recently and Ibori dey there now. I no mean London
o. I no fit shout!
Back to monkey business…. Guys,
no need to buy Brazilian, Indian, Peruvian or any other nationality of hair o!
No need to borrow money from bank to buy big car or spend your last kobo to
tush up your crib and no need to plan any dates. In fact, no need to need to
dey talk plenty lie too. Na only one lie wey you fit talk and that na say
anytime your runs enter and you jam babe monkey for road, you go say ‘I been
just dey stroll pass’. As for babes, wetin you wan carry expensive shoes and
bags do, when all you need na to come out of your house or tree?
See the amount of time you (I
no follow!) take dey dream of being monkey sef! Chei! God help you!
PS: If God never still help you
by the time you read reach this point, you fit still think of more
monkey-meet-monkey scenarios and let us know!
This na @nfsqueezed on
Twitter
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