Monday, November 5, 2012

Gbenga Osowe: You Be Linus?

by Jonas Dogara

One thing wey been dey common for people wey grow up for ajepako area na to dey give person guy name (nickname if you be ajebutter) whether because of how the person been look or because of wetin the person dey like to do. For example, if person get big head, boys go dey call am Edmund /HEAD-mund/, Edwin /HEAD-win/ or one kain name like that. If na the person nose been dey ‘important’ for him body, him guy name go be like Nosakhare /NOSE-I-carry/, for big lips na LIPton, for big eye na Isaac /EYE-saac/, for person with big hands na Andrew /HAND-rew/ and so on.

Some of these nicknames na to hail the person but some dey wey we dey use to abuse person or to talk about the kain bad habit wey the person get. That kain time, the name na to use warn people wey dey around make them take beware for the person. For example, if person sabi thief them go dey call am Tiffany /THIEF-any/. So if the person dey around you, boys fit talk something like ‘Guy, hold ya wallet well o, dat babe wey dey near you na TIFFANY,’ and if you be sharp guy, you go just code and arrange yourself well so the person no go do you strong things.

But the kind people wey their own bad habit they vex me pass and wey I wan talk about na the people wey like to dey lie in and out of season. This kain people we dey call dem LINUS /Lie-NUS/ if the person na man or LAIDE /Lie-dey/ if the person na woman.
We still dey wait for Linus pant to catch fire for Naija

I agree say almost everybody dey lie at one time or another and no be everytime wey people lie e be for bad purpose, but for people wey be LINUS or LAIDE, lie na their way of life. In fact, e done dey their body to dey lie sotay if you ask say wetin be their name, dem go first tell you wrong name before dem go say ‘sorry oh, na lie,’ come tell you their real names.

I bin sabi one LINUS when I bin dey serve (NYSC) for Nasarawa and the guy na senior lie lie person. This guy own problem be say, no time wey him no dey lie and nothing wey him no fit lie about. If dis guy greet you say good morning, you need to check time again because e fit be lie. This guy nack us one wicked tori one time so. E say him carry Army officer motor go somewhere and another officer from Abuja come see the motor begin pursue am. Two of dem come dey run at high speed (like say na Formula1 for this our bad roads) before another officer come intervene say na him give the guy motor. Another lie wey the guy bin tell us be say him sleep on top tree from night till morning when armed robbers attack them for night journey. In fact this guy fit tell you say him dey listen for CoolFM or any other radio station when him enter plane or say him dey there when dem do him senior brother naming ceremony. Ok, I gree say the last one fit hard am small, but you done understand how LINUS dey behave now abi.

Seirously sha, among our leaders, e be like say we get people wey be professional LINUS. For our Federal Government sef, dem dey! Dem no dey fear to lie give anybody o. To lie give ordinary Nigerians na small thing sef. Dem dey another level. Na so dem go lie give Oga Presido sey Nigeria don improve for one kain corruption something-something, and Oga Presido no check well before e come out for public and repeat the lie. If to say sharp people and some oyibo dem no shout ‘Haba! Why una dey lie?’ we no for hear the truth. 

Na the same Spirit of LINUS wey dey our government body na im make dem tell us say Madam First lady no sick and she just go abroad go ‘rest’, but dem still ask us to pray for am.  Abeg, if person wey just dey ‘rest’ need prayers, wetin person wey dey sick go need? All the lies wey our government don give us done make me belief say na LINUSOCRACY we dey practise for Nigeria. We done reach that level wey if you no sabi lie, e fit hard for dem to gree make you work for our government.

Abeg, make I ask some questions sef. Why people dey tell all this mature lie dem? If we no lie, we go die? Why person go do something wey him know say bad come lie say na devil cause am? Where e see devil? Plenty other questions dey to ask, but no need to go there. I done realise say LINUS dey everywhere and everybody wey dey lie get the LINUS FACTOR for their body.

So, before you lie next time, make you ask yourself say ‘this lie wey I wan talk so, I really need to talk am, abi I just be LINUS?

Till we see next time, my name na Gbenga (no be LINUS o!).

Make we yarn for twitter @gbengaosowe