Why You No Suppose Marry

As children, everybody wan grow up fast, become adult and marry. Everybody for him own different reasons. But generally, na about how we see adults dey ‘enjoy’ and how we go like to enjoy like that. Maybe na the extra meat wey you dey see for your papa soup plate or the film wey dem no dey gree you watch after 9 pm or the discovery mama-and-papa play…. Make we leave that one. 

Courtesy: www.bikebug.us

When we grow up and become young adults, attitudes dey change small. When we realise say the world no be as we been dey see am. That ‘enjoyment’ wey we been dey look for, dey come with plenty wahala. At some point, everybody done think ‘I wish say I still be small pikin’. Also, attitudes to marriage dey change, especially for guys. Most girls go still want to marry sharply. For the boys, e dey change. Why e dey be like this? I sure say you get you own theories. That na another day yarns.

The question wey I done ask myself and wey some other people done ask too na, why I need to marry sef? I done yarn with a lot of my friends and family over the issue.  Most of the reasons no dey really make sense to me. Most times people no even sound like say dem dey sure... Others dey sound like say when dem marry, all the wahala wey dey for life go disappear. For my mind, all of dem their head dey touch. But I sure say for their mind, my own head get problem too!

For this piece, I go talk each of the reasons wey people done give me and then tell you why I think say dem no follow. Some, I actually tell the people straight. Others, I just think and no talk. E no go good for man mama to just tear am slap am at this age….

(a)  To be taken care of – Seriously? So as you big reach, you think say you still be baby wey somebody suppose look after eh? Abi you no well? Then you need to go hospital. If you well, then grow up! You fit take care of yourself. You no need to marry for that one.

(b)  For financial security – This na mainly from the women and some men wey their own no good. So una dey look for bank or ATM abi? So while he/she dey secure you financially, who go dey secure am? You see your life? Something do your hands and legs? Lazy thing! Go find work do! You no need to marry to dey financially secure.

(c)    Society expects it – I hear you. Yes, everybody dey marry and e be like say na wetin dey reign now. Every Saturday you dey wear a different aso-ebi and you done be Chief Bridesmaid or Best Man like 5 times! You no wan carry last. So now e be you like say marriage na Mary Kay abi na Indian Hair? Those things dey comot for fashion, you know…. Afterall, Indian done move to Brazilian/Peruvian and nobody dey really hear as much about Mary Kay again as we been dey hear. Marriage no be fashion and if na because of society and wetin e be like say everybody dey do, then you no need to marry.

(d)  To settle down and be responsible – This na one of the yeye reasons. You be dirty water? Why you wan settle? So, for your mind, when you talk ‘I do’ you go change from irresponsible person to responsible one eh? We go forget say you dey thief like nkapi rat, talk lie for no reason, your legs no dey enter house, smoke anything wey you fit wrap inside paper and drink anything wey fit enter cup, abi? Na lie. Bad man na bad man. Same for bad woman. True true you need to change. But no be ‘I do’ go change you. Forget am. 

(e)  For respect – Really? So if dem no dey respect you now, dem go respect you when you marry eh? You done ask yourself why dem no dey respect you now? If you do, you go find out say maybe you never do anything wey go give you respect. Marriage no be really one of those things o. You need to earn that respect.

(f)   Family wants it – Yes I know. But you and me know say no be today you begin dey do things wey your family no want you to do. Yes, your mama no like the cigar wey you dey smoke but you still dey smoke. Your papa no wan take eye see those bum shorts but anytime he no dey, you still dey wear am. So when e suit you, you dey bone family and do wetin you wan do. No need to use family as excuse. Dem never kill you yet for your rebellion. Dem no go start now.

(g)  Parents want grandchildren – Is that so? Grandpikin sweet like that na him dem no born dem by demselves? Abeg move! Life na really your own and not their own.

Courtesy: Funny Marriage Comics

(h)  For children and for your ‘name’ to continue when you are gone – Children eh? I dey laugh you. Dem need to flog your Integrated Science teacher, if wetin him teach you na say pikin dey come as a result of marriage. If na only for pikin, then you no need to marry. For pikin alone, refer to that Integrated Science book wey you no been gree read that time. As for carrying your name, I no think say na children you need. You done hear of Herbert Macaulay? Albert Einstein? Diego Maradona? You know about their children? In short who care whether dem get children or dem no get? If you no do wetin you suppose do, so the world go remember you, no be children go help you. 

(i)    For companionship – So when people no marry, dem dey lonely abi? Na wetin you dey try talk? So from your childhood till now you dey lonely. Sorry, you hear? And when you marry, all that loneliness go disappear? What about the people wey dey come spend every weekend for your place, cook and clean and arrange you well? You, what about that place you dey go like 3 days every week, while you tell your people say na your youth group meeting? You, no lonely now. You get enough companionship. Also, you fit live with anybody wey you want. People dey do am all the time. In fact, after some time, when people come the house to come look for your woman dem go say ‘Oga, abeg I dey look for your wife?’ Na exactly the same companionship without ceremony. You no need to marry for that one.

(j)    It’s the Godly thing to do – Yes we be religious people. I know say you dey go mosque well on Fridays or church on Sundays. But all that religion no prevent you from all the plenty plenty sins you done dey commit. In fact, if you just die now, you done go hell straight! You no dey really do wetin you suppose do, as e concern your religion. You know say na true yarns be that. So, na when e reach marriage you wan form good Christian or good Muslim eh? Ok, na because of the pastor eh? So that the thing wey you dey hide dey chop no go come out for open now. Hypocrite! Bone that thing. Just dey freestyle dey go. E no go make any difference. Whether you hide dey chop something or you do am or open, na the same hell you dey go. Exactly, the same hell. Marriage for church or mosque no go save you from that hell.

If I remember any other excuse wey dem give me I go let you know. But I believe say these ones and my argument dey make enough sense.  E make sense to you too, I sure. If that girl begin worry you, just tell her wetin I done tell you so. If she begin do anyhow, just…. Hold on, somebody dey knock for my door. Ah, my mum.

‘Jonas! Jonas! Jonas! How many times I call you? The thing wey I discuss with you, you been think say I dey joke? I done dey old and I need to take care of my grandchildren before I dey too weak to carry dem. You no want make I see…’

‘Mummy, na before the end of the year. I dey plan for una to go see her people next…’

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