Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Operation Belleful

by Jonas Dogara
Our people talk say if you continue to dey do the same thing and dey expect say the result go change, your head no correct. Actually, I no sure say na our people talk am sha, but I been hear am somewhere… No worry about who talk am. Just believe am with faith. You know the kind faith wey bible talk say… Sorry, I done dey yarn plenty. Wetin I been dey try talk be say, sometimes maybe we need to siddon think about these problems, our own ‘peculiar’ circumstances and then come up with a solution wey go work for us. 

E get one woman I been know a long time ago. The woman na house wife with a banker husband and 5 pikin. The husband na big oga for bank and e dey comot for house very early and come back late for night. So, na the woman dey take care of the children and take care of the house too. If you see dem, everything look fine and everybody dey hail dem as example of wetin family suppose to be like. But then, dem come get small wahala.
The woman notice say e be like say small small money dem wey she dey keep for house done dey loss. The first time wey e happen, the woman think say maybe she done use the money but forget. After e happen again and again, she realise say no be forget matter. Something dey wey dey make money dey disappear for the house. In fact, na somebody dey thief am. She know say her husband no go begin thief money wey him dey give her (even if na him be Anini or Shina Rambo sef!) and no be she dey thief her own money, so e must be the children. When she ask dem, everybody deny. Who go gree say na him be the rat?

So the woman begin set small small trap for them and one day she catch the boy wey dey thief. Him name na Julius. If you see nack wey this woman nack this pikin and the way the boy dey shout eh… you go believe say e go give him life to Christ there and then and e no go thief again. If you believe am, then you make mistake! Julius no gree stop to thief o. As e dey thief, na so e dey lie. After many months of flogging Julius, the woman tire. She threaten am with police, no way. She say she go take am go juju house, no way. She even threaten to cut of him ‘tanta’, no way! The bros dey thief dey go.

So one day the woman come siddon dey think. Wetin fit be the reason why this boy decide say e no go stop to thief him mama money? School fees, e no dey pay for himself. Books, e no dey buy for himself. Cloth and shoe, e no dey buy for himself. E never reach to pursue woman, so no be woman dey make am thief. Food, e dey chop for house and school… Hmmm… maybe na food! E must be food wey be the problem. Maybe e dey use the money dey buy things for school dey chop! So, the woman decide say she go execute a very nice plan to stop this problem. She call am Operation Belleful.

So, the next time wey the woman notice say her money done disappear, she no talk. She just go market, buy food things, come back and make food for everybody. When the children come back from school, she tell dem say food done ready and make everybody go carry their food. As Julius carry him food, e notice say the garri wey dey him plate no be the normal size but the soup na normal size. The garri look like three times normal. When e ask him mama why him garri dey like that, she say make e no worry, make e just dey eat. So Julius begin eat. When e eat as e like finish, e get up to carry the remaining one go kitchen. The mama call am back.

‘Julius, where you dey go?’

‘I dey go kitchen’, Julius reply.

‘You done chop finish?’, the mama ask am.

‘Yes mummy, I done finish.’

‘I mean, you done finish the garri?’

‘I no finish am, but…’

‘Oya siddon there, finish the garri now. Naomi, go bring me cane.’ Na there, Julius see say e be like say wahala dey. Him sister run go bring cane give the mama and Julius begin chop again. 

You know say soup done almost finish for the soup plate, yet mountain of garri still dey the other plate. When e chop, chop, chop, and garri come hook am for chest, e shout ‘Mummy, I want water.’

The mama lash am two strokes! ‘C’mon chop!’ Bros dey chop dey cry. Tears, mixed with cartarrh and garri and egusi… everything just dey enter mouth. Na so Julius, under flogging, chop the mountain of garri finish.

Bros wey chop belleful courtesy Power Line Sunday
When e finish, the guy look like say e done get belle. Na him the mama say ‘Julius, my son. As I done finally realise say na because you no dey chop belleful for this house, na him make you dey thief my money, I decide say from now on you go dey chop well. I go dey make special food for you. This afternoon, na 3 cups of garri I make for you, wey you done finish so. You belleful abi? So, go kitchen go wash the plate them. When you finish your homework, make you select beans. This evening, everybody go chop rice, but for you na beans. I go cook 3 cups for you and you go finish am!’

Julius run come our house with him long belle, kneel down for ground, begin dey cry dey beg my grandmama make she go beg him mama. The plenty garri wey e chop no even gree am talk well! 

Well, to cut long story short. Na that day the relationship between Julius and thief thief end o. When e think of 3 cups of beans for evening, just some hours after 3 cups of garri, e just dey enough to cause complete repentance. The part wey sweet pass na say, from that time, if Julius begin misbehave for house, him mama go just look am and ask am ‘Julius, you wan eat?’ and e go just be!

So, the next time wey you get that wahala wey dey like say all the normal solution dem no dey work, make you think of something different. Your own special type of Operation Belleful fit just make the difference.

PS: For those of una wey dey where flogging pikin or giving dem too much garri fit take you go sanko (jail) and as you read this thing, you done dey get ideas… Abeg no talk say na me advice you o. I wasn’t follow.


This na @nfsqueezed on Twitter

3 comments:

  1. lol,bot forget joke o,e get one pikin wey i know wey sabi lie pass the one wey pikin suppose lie,wetin dey vex me be say cane no dey move the babe again,i don dey suspect say na "ogbanje'dey worry the pikin,i no know whether this ur therapy go work for her but as dem talk,a liar na tif too,so e dey give me hope,e come even better say she dey hate to chop food.Wetin dey fear me be say she fit force herself chop enter coma and my handwriting no fine for police statement.Jonas,u sure say this therapy na the right one?

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    Replies
    1. O boy you need your own special kind of therapy o. In this your case, that Chop Chop Therapy fit put you for position where you go dey write statement!

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  2. Nice and different. keep it up

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