Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Mama, You For Tell Me

by Jonas Dogara
‘When you finish secondary school and get your school cert, you go go university. After university, you go get government work.’ She tell me.

‘Why government work, Mama?’ I ask her.

‘Because, the work dey steady and you go get pension when you retire. Dem no dey sack people there, no matter wetin dem do. Government fit give you scholarship too, if you sabi book. And when you come back to work you go get promotion.’ She explain.

To my small pikin mind at that time, e no sound like something wey I go like to do. Pension ke? I just dey 10 years old! I go finish school, join oil company, get plenty money, build big house, buy plenty big motor and marry fine woman wey sabi cook okro soup like my grandma!

As I dey grow up dey understand things, I realize say my grandma been dey talk based on how the country been dey when she be young woman. Those days, the civil service na the ultimate job, and civil servants get respect. A lot of brilliant Nigerians been work for the civil service too. Once you finish whatever level of education and you manage enter there, life done set. I done understand all those things now plus more, and I dey vex.

I dey vex because if to say my grandma been explain well all the plenty benefits wey I fit get for civil service, I for pursue the job like Nackson dey pursue woman!

One big thing wey my grandma forget to tell me na say if you be civil servant, you fit even decide not to go work sef. Just wait till month end and go collect your salary. That’s all. For most people wey done do NYSC for some corners of our country, this dey always be the first shock. You go reach there with plenty ginger to work and learn, only to find out say no be so e dey be. During the month, you no dey see anybody for office. Make month end and you go wonder where all the people dey come out from! In fact, anytime I waka reach office then, the welcome I dey get from colleagues na ‘Corper, any problem?’ I no fit understand how I need to get problem before I reach my office! That is dem no dey expect to see me for office unless I dey come do my clearance. All my neighbours been be civil servants and full time students at the same time. You wonder how dem dey manage am. These days, with bank transfer, I no sure if some people go even dey near the office. Which work sweet pass this type?

My grandma been no remember to tell me say if you dey work for government, you fit go work at any time of the day and wahala no dey. Work dey resume at 8am but you fit reach there at 10am and nobody go yarn. For our area, when I dey primary school e been get one woman wey dey work for one of the ministries for Rivers State. Anytime I hear my grandma say ‘Mama Akachi, you dey go work early today o’ then I know say na 9am be that. 4pm sharp, she done return from work! Abeg wetin be civil service closing time?


My grandma also forget to tell me say no matter the position wey you dey for civil service, you fit make money for side through magumagu way. E no matter how bad the name of the ministry dey sound. When you enter there, the people wey already dey there go show you the way. The higher you go, the more money you fit make. In fact, if you come enter somewhere wey you fit control Police Pensions or any other money like that, e mean say your fowl done born cow! The sweetest part be say the government agencies wey suppose dey pursue thief people, no dey look civil servants side. Na just some politicians and people wey thief small money dem dey look for. So, nothing do you. Ehm... just remember say if na police people money you thief, your case fit different o.

She no tell me say if you be teacher, you fit take money from your students and let dem do expo for WAEC. And even if dem no wan do expo, you go frustrate dem. Or if you dey supervise contractors, you go just collect small bribe and remove eye when dem dey do yeye work. Or if you dey Ministry of Finance, you fit dey collect money from pensioners before you process their retirement benefits.

The one wey dey pain me pass na wetin I just find out some days days ago. Say you fit actually leave the civil service for over 10 years and any time e hungry you, you just come back. And when you come back, you go get promotion to the highest civil service post for ministry. E get anywhere wey work better pass this one? Abeg somebody tell me.

As I dey so, I done begin plan how I go take get that government work o. I must try my best. Because, who know wetin fit happen for the future. Even if I leave the work for some time, and my man enter political office, I fit just show back and get mad promotion! So, I go yarn with somebody wey know somebody wey know somebody wey fit know somebody wey know one of the new Permanent Secretaries for Bayelsa State. Dem say she sabi speak my language well. Maybe she fit help…

But, Mama I still no too happy with you o. You for tell me well na.


This na @nfsqueezed on Twitter


14 comments:

  1. U r one sick dude,lol,so u sef wan follow chop govt moni?the first time wey I experience how govt work dey be,fear catch me,NYSC send me go there,but I swear na me come work pass everybody for there,na only to do party dem sabi.Me sef go follow u dey pursue the work o.But na only one serious question dey bother me,how u take know nackson?

    ReplyDelete
  2. ₪ǻ crime to chop govt money? By †ђξ way who B̶̲̥̅ε̲̣̣ govt sef? ₪☺ be Чº‎​υ Ãήϑ i? My broda, if Чº‎​υ c way, chop clean mouth º°˚

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. O boy na crime o. Big crime. If you no believe me, ask Ibori and Alamco.

      Delete
    2. Lol. Lovely piece. But of all places y Bayelsa State? Things don change.

      Delete
    3. Ehm... Bayelsa na the very place na. As I been dey talk, e get one Perm Sec there wey... *cough*

      Delete
  3. lol...really nice expose. But can we stop the vicious cycle?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. Yes o, we fit stop the vicious cycle. If we no stop am, who go stop am for us na?

      Delete
  4. Bros ee you 4get to yarn about our NNfeecee where maanger plenty pass staff ooo and all the plenty plenty estacode wey people for football ministry dey collect to go watch ball free oooo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My broda, if we begin count all of dem one by one, the tori no go finish o. But we need to continue to yarn about am and do something about am too!

      Delete
  5. You forget †ђξ benefits wey ΰя̩̥̊ wife go get if you be councillor for one of †ђξ south west states! She go go london go learn Ђφω to 'assist' you to govern and you too go go south africa. Which enjoyment pass make person work for government?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My dear, e been never happen when I write that piece o. But e dey show say e get plenty plenty benefits wey I no even mention o!

      Delete
  6. Bros naija matter plenty o!!! If we continue to dey talk about Ǻ♍, e ‎​​№ go finish. Na solution wey we need

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Talk dey inportant o. We need to continue to dey talk about am, so that e go continue to dey vex us. That way, we dey forced to find solutions.

      Delete