Small Pikin Things

I hate heat. I never ever like places wey hot for my life and I no think say I go ever like them. I no go mind if we dey get winter for Naija. In fact, I be one of those few Africans wey no go mind import weather from Europe. No fear when you hear import o, because na government go pay for am. Full subsidy. Ehm… subsidy… make we no go there.

Right now, where I dey air conditioner and heat done dey battle since morning and at exactly 12.58 pm, the walls of Jericho around the air conditioner fall down flat, and the heat finally defeat the AC. No way to fix am right now so I get to endure am.

I bring out my external hard drive, connect am to my computer and begin find music wey I go listen to, to take distract myself from the heat. I see some music wey I never listen to for many years now – the first three albums of DMX. I no understand how I still get this music and I never listen to am for years now! So I begin play am. Make I for no disturb my colleague, I form like person wey wan represent him country for the Olympics (maybe for the Ludo/Draught event) and I use headphones. You know say I no see any Nigerian athletes with those Beats headphones for the Olympics o. Some people say e affect our medal chances. If Dr. Dre no gree dash dem headphones, why our government no buy for dem na? Anyway, that one na by the way.

As I begin listen the music, I dey sing, dey dance. You know that special dance wey you only fit dance when your hands dey on top computer and you siddon, abi? Only your head, shoulders and chest (depending on the size, shape, reaction to gravity, things wey dey hold am, etc.) fit shake dey shake. My colleague just open mouth dey look me. I no look him face. I notice say him mouth dey move, so I pause my music and remove the headphones.

‘You always listen to music, but whatever you are listening to now must be special. You are singing and dancing’, the guy tell me.

I put the headphones for him head and I play the music. The guy look me with shock for him face. If you see him face you go think say e hear somebody dey recite incantations to him town juju. I take my headphones put for head and continue the music without any explanations.

I discover hip hop when I enter secondary school. I mean, I done dey hear am before that time, but na when I go secondary school I begin dey actually listen am well. I no fit really explain wetin dey about the music wey attract me o. But I been get my group of hip hop heads wey dey discuss and share the music. Most of wetin the songs dey about na babes, dope, fighting and killing. And I no really get problem with dope, fighting and killing, as far as na only for TV dem dey. As for babes, I no mind if dem show physically.... Some of the lyrics dey so bloody that I no fit play am loud if adult dey near me. Sometimes, I fit forget say my mama dey with me and one ‘rotten’ part of the song go just come out. I go just bone, put my face inside book and pretend say I no been dey listen. Na wetin make me get my first headphones. Na later I realise say to my people, na rubbish I dey listen and dem no dey bother themselves to actually hear wetin the rappers dey yarn about. As far as no be disco or highlife, dem no send! Violence or not, I been love hip hop with all my heart.

Oh, before I forget, I mean the kind of hip hop wey dem been dey play in the 90s and early to mid 2000s o.  Because these days the music and the musicians done change small. E be like say if dem no put plenty braces for mouth and turn their body to small pikin writing pad,  the music no go sweet. Somebody say no be braces; say na platinum teeth and say na professional tattoo artists dey do the drawing and writing. I never confirm yet. As for the songs dem sef… I tire. Dem all sound alike.

Around the same time wey I discover hip hop na him I begin play video games. Those days Nintendo and Sega been get some games wey dey scatter my dada! But I been really like the fight fight ones. Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter been bam well well. Every day I dey try to learn new combo wey I go take dey kill people. Other ones dey too, where you go just carry your sword or gun begin dey nack people everywhere. One man genocide squad! The sweet thing be say if dem kill you, you fit restart and you go come back to life! And even if the people wey you been done kill before come back to life, you already know say the way to kill person na the same way to kill him ghost and the ghost of him ghost too!

My love for hip hop and video games continue up till university and after. But over time, so many other things done dey chop man time and I no dey really fit do those things as I been dey do before. But today na different day. Thanks to the combination of heat and my old hard drive wey no dey die, I done remind myself say my feelings for hip hop never change. I realise too say I dey miss finishing people for Mortal Kombat and those other games. I dey go buy proper video game as soon as I fit. Time go dey to play am. I hear say for some of the games, you fit even customize and name your enemies and opponents. Chai, na only God know how many Naija politicians I go dey beat everyday! With their big big belle dem, e no go hard. Any one wey wear cap, na him head I go kick first. Money fit fall out. Maybe N5000 notes. I no go forget to add Boko Haram too.

I sure say everybody get things wey dem been dey do as children wey dem still love as adults. My own na hip hop and video games. Wetin be your own? Dem say ‘there’s love in sharing’, so drop a comment for under and share am with us.

By the way, this my colleague just look wetin I write finish begin tell me about somewhere for Bible wey talk say ‘When I was a child, I spake as a child… when I was old, I put away childish things’. I look am and I laugh and I continue to write. See worshiper of the Nigerian god! For my bible, that part of the bible actually say ‘…when I became a man, I put away childish things’. Na just music wey I dey enjoy and e no get upper age limit o! When we dey drive home this evening, we go pass in front of cemetery. I go show am where old people dey…

This na @nfsqueezed on Twitter