Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Small Pikin Things

by Jonas Dogara
I hate heat. I never ever like places wey hot for my life and I no think say I go ever like them. I no go mind if we dey get winter for Naija. In fact, I be one of those few Africans wey no go mind import weather from Europe. No fear when you hear import o, because na government go pay for am. Full subsidy. Ehm… subsidy… make we no go there.

Right now, where I dey air conditioner and heat done dey battle since morning and at exactly 12.58 pm, the walls of Jericho around the air conditioner fall down flat, and the heat finally defeat the AC. No way to fix am right now so I get to endure am.

I bring out my external hard drive, connect am to my computer and begin find music wey I go listen to, to take distract myself from the heat. I see some music wey I never listen to for many years now – the first three albums of DMX. I no understand how I still get this music and I never listen to am for years now! So I begin play am. Make I for no disturb my colleague, I form like person wey wan represent him country for the Olympics (maybe for the Ludo/Draught event) and I use headphones. You know say I no see any Nigerian athletes with those Beats headphones for the Olympics o. Some people say e affect our medal chances. If Dr. Dre no gree dash dem headphones, why our government no buy for dem na? Anyway, that one na by the way.

As I begin listen the music, I dey sing, dey dance. You know that special dance wey you only fit dance when your hands dey on top computer and you siddon, abi? Only your head, shoulders and chest (depending on the size, shape, reaction to gravity, things wey dey hold am, etc.) fit shake dey shake. My colleague just open mouth dey look me. I no look him face. I notice say him mouth dey move, so I pause my music and remove the headphones.

‘You always listen to music, but whatever you are listening to now must be special. You are singing and dancing’, the guy tell me.

I put the headphones for him head and I play the music. The guy look me with shock for him face. If you see him face you go think say e hear somebody dey recite incantations to him town juju. I take my headphones put for head and continue the music without any explanations.

I discover hip hop when I enter secondary school. I mean, I done dey hear am before that time, but na when I go secondary school I begin dey actually listen am well. I no fit really explain wetin dey about the music wey attract me o. But I been get my group of hip hop heads wey dey discuss and share the music. Most of wetin the songs dey about na babes, dope, fighting and killing. And I no really get problem with dope, fighting and killing, as far as na only for TV dem dey. As for babes, I no mind if dem show physically.... Some of the lyrics dey so bloody that I no fit play am loud if adult dey near me. Sometimes, I fit forget say my mama dey with me and one ‘rotten’ part of the song go just come out. I go just bone, put my face inside book and pretend say I no been dey listen. Na wetin make me get my first headphones. Na later I realise say to my people, na rubbish I dey listen and dem no dey bother themselves to actually hear wetin the rappers dey yarn about. As far as no be disco or highlife, dem no send! Violence or not, I been love hip hop with all my heart.

Oh, before I forget, I mean the kind of hip hop wey dem been dey play in the 90s and early to mid 2000s o.  Because these days the music and the musicians done change small. E be like say if dem no put plenty braces for mouth and turn their body to small pikin writing pad,  the music no go sweet. Somebody say no be braces; say na platinum teeth and say na professional tattoo artists dey do the drawing and writing. I never confirm yet. As for the songs dem sef… I tire. Dem all sound alike.

Around the same time wey I discover hip hop na him I begin play video games. Those days Nintendo and Sega been get some games wey dey scatter my dada! But I been really like the fight fight ones. Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter been bam well well. Every day I dey try to learn new combo wey I go take dey kill people. Other ones dey too, where you go just carry your sword or gun begin dey nack people everywhere. One man genocide squad! The sweet thing be say if dem kill you, you fit restart and you go come back to life! And even if the people wey you been done kill before come back to life, you already know say the way to kill person na the same way to kill him ghost and the ghost of him ghost too!

My love for hip hop and video games continue up till university and after. But over time, so many other things done dey chop man time and I no dey really fit do those things as I been dey do before. But today na different day. Thanks to the combination of heat and my old hard drive wey no dey die, I done remind myself say my feelings for hip hop never change. I realise too say I dey miss finishing people for Mortal Kombat and those other games. I dey go buy proper video game as soon as I fit. Time go dey to play am. I hear say for some of the games, you fit even customize and name your enemies and opponents. Chai, na only God know how many Naija politicians I go dey beat everyday! With their big big belle dem, e no go hard. Any one wey wear cap, na him head I go kick first. Money fit fall out. Maybe N5000 notes. I no go forget to add Boko Haram too.

I sure say everybody get things wey dem been dey do as children wey dem still love as adults. My own na hip hop and video games. Wetin be your own? Dem say ‘there’s love in sharing’, so drop a comment for under and share am with us.

By the way, this my colleague just look wetin I write finish begin tell me about somewhere for Bible wey talk say ‘When I was a child, I spake as a child… when I was old, I put away childish things’. I look am and I laugh and I continue to write. See worshiper of the Nigerian god! For my bible, that part of the bible actually say ‘…when I became a man, I put away childish things’. Na just music wey I dey enjoy and e no get upper age limit o! When we dey drive home this evening, we go pass in front of cemetery. I go show am where old people dey…


This na @nfsqueezed on Twitter


22 comments:

  1. I remember say I start dey play video game since 1993 and till nw any little time wey I get I still dey play am even if na for 5minutes, for 1998 I fall for rap and na DMX make me fall but till nw and forever I don't think any other kain music fit make sense to me.
    My brother ur write up really make sense, well done

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    1. Thanks Josh. I happy say you feel me. Person wey no know, no go know.

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  2. Back then I bin play bonethugs rap music well well and i still dey play small sha..I play soccer,mortal kombat, street fighter and indiana jones for Sega. And supermario for microgenius console. But the funny aspect now be say i know sabi play game again. I dey fumble whenever i wan play soccer for PS 2. I wish ssay i fit learn again.i still dey play my bonethugs sha

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    1. I remember us trying to learn the lyrics to Bone Thugs their Crossroads... Hilarious! Those guys correct.

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  3. Omo mehn...me wey dey feel like superstar say I fit blow korrect oyibo grammar and beta pidgin for the same mouth like person wey chop corn with groundnut dey throw you salute.

    Na as I dey read dey go na hin I see sey e sweet to blow but to write am make person enjoy to read am like you do so be like to win Usain Bolt for 100m na why I throw you that salute...*oya hold anoda one*

    E get plenty things wey I bin dey do wen I small wey I still dey do...like to read (I no mean my school books o) I fit read novel for africa so tey I do literature for secondary school on top say na science student I bin be dat time.

    Another thing na to play game, mortal kombat (finish him...flawless victory), street fighter, mario nko but now no time na once in a while I fit plug my usb pad for laptop play PES e don finish be that. Time no too dey this days...na last week I just dey think sey I suppose buy PS3 keep make I fit jam am whenever I find time...

    Before I come turn comment into tori for inside sweet tori make I come dey go..nothing do you

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    1. My bro, you make my belle sweet no be small.

      O boy that reading thing eh? I fit write a whole new article on am. I still dey read 'indiscriminately' for places wey I no suppose dey read sef.

      No try me with Mario o! Sometimes I no dey know when I begin hum the 'tu dum dum tu dum dum...' sound sef.

      Some things go always live with us no matter how old we dey o> I done decide to embrace dem.

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  4. Jonas... How many time I call you? Make you siddon dey totori person with pidgin. When I dey small I dey get one live game - I dey take my mama car keys, enter garage, start the car, move it forward and backwards...everyday. All den tell me say make I do na to just warm am o, but e become sport... The day the motor jam d wall, that na when I find out say angel nor get tribal marks. My mama force me to remove the tribal marks wey I give the motor... Horse whip follow... Hmmm life live me dat day...nor be me live am!

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    1. Oga mi, laugh done nearly turn me to rasta for here. I prostrate.

      Most of us get dat particular day wey our 'cup full' o. My own full plenty times and as person wey no dey hear word, dem need to dey remind me steady say angel no go ever get tribal marks!

      Your comment alone make this piece worth am.

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  5. My own na soccer o! I been dey think say I go collect gloves from Peter Rufai one day. I gas delete the dream one terrible day wey I take side hit stone.

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    1. You mess up o. So you for fit dey siddon for bench somewhere for Europe now and euros for dey reach me eh?

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  6. no day wey me no dey play music o. as for game, i done play master league for PES soteee i dey 2034/2035 season. so bros, just fire down, nothing do you. @emmysiasia

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    1. Hahaha... you done reach 2035 eh? Na Messi pikin dey play for Barca that time abi?

      Thank you for reading o. I appreciate am.

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  7. Correct! Beat all your enemies til them die for your mind make hypertension no kill somebody; we must find a way to get back at them. Na dat part na im I like!

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  8. Jonas OoooOooOh rotfl....myown na cartoon aspa say we nor gt cable den na 2 kuku wa8 4 NTA 4pm wit dt colourful screen wey de mk sharp sound,recite natl anthem den #gbam! Voltron,magic school bus,me nor bn lyk sesame street coz I nor de undastand naatin saturday mrngs wia d best!cadbury brkfast television.But inbetween we dey sneak go neighbor hauz 2 watch cartoon netwk wey b say we go de watch ninja turtle dm n power rangers etc den riding of BMX n chopper chooooei!!!(Chic nearly ton tomboy O)I nor do ol doz girly tins lyk ten ten n suwe(infact I nor sabi til I grow)4 d video games na family com we gt dt tym n my brodas bn de chance me *rme...miss childhood maaeyhn :)

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    1. Me and Super Ted been be close friends o. You still dey watch cartoons? You go done graduate to Madagascar and Happy Feet by now, abi?

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  9. Bros! I hail O! I no fit believe say I go read pidgin and enjoy am like this...... My own na cartoon O. And I still dey follow my pikins dem drag am till now.LOL. No be me be d biggest Agbaya? Abeg carry go! You too much joor!

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    1. Nothing do you o. Keep on watching. I still dey watch Voltron too!

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