Friday, August 3, 2012

E Dey Sexy To Know

by Jonas Dogara
‘Imagine that! So, even the British can make mistakes, eh? Look at how they spelt Switzerland.’ The babe dey point television dey talk. This na the day after the London 2012 Olympic Games Opening Ceremony and we dey watch a replay of the ceremony.

I look wetin she dey show me and I tell her say ‘That no be mistake o. Na Swaziland be that and na country of its own.’

‘That’s not true. Is it because the people are black? They have black people in Switzerland too. These guys have messed up! How can they change Switzerland to Swaziland and you say it’s not a mistake?’ See the babe dey blow grammar, dey drag wetin she no sabi with me.

‘You wan bet?’ I ask her. ‘Then we fit use Google Search for your Blackberry take check am.’

‘Well, I don’t have Google Search on my phone, but I know Switzerland and it’s in Europe’ She dey yarn with open eye.

I just shut up my mouth and gum my eyes for television. Because, if I look her two times, I fit yarn something wey I no suppose yarn. So this girl no know say her Blackberry dey do things apart from BBM, Facebook and Twitter, eh? She never use Google search for anything for that phone since she get am! 

This yeye discussion make me remember one like that wey happen two weeks ago. I hook up with one of my friends wey I never see for a long time, and as those kind things dey always be, we begin dey gist about our friends wey we never see for some time too. When e ask me about one of our guys wey be petroleum engineer, I tell am say the guy done get transfer go Norway and na there e dey work now. The thing wey follow next, just make me tire.

‘That na good one o. I hear say dem get plenty oil and money there. All those Arab countries with too much money. Me sef go like enter somewhere near there o. Somewhere like Kuwait or Qatar…’ The guy just dey yarn dey go.

‘O boy Norway na European country o’ I quietly tell am.

‘Na wa to you o! Dem get oil for Europe? Why you dey yarn this kind yarn?’ The guy wan drag with me.

After a few minutes of argument, the way the guy take finish the gist na ‘If you say na so e be, then I believe you. Na people like you dey know this kind useless things sef. Afterall, wetin I dey carry am do? Dem dey pay person money to know am? I no be Sabinus.’

‘Wetin you come be? Ignoramus?’ I no talk am o. I just think am. I just dey look the guy dey boil. See guy wey get daughter wey dey kindergarten. This guy need somebody to tear am better slap! E no go be me, because I no dey roll like that... I mean say, who go pick my pieces when e finish with me? But I no go mind if e find trouble and somebody just tidy am up. I dey talk of proper government slap. You sabi government slap? Na that type wey when e touch you, the hand dey cover your mouth, nose and maybe eyes, and you dey feel the pain even for your ears. You go also dey hear sounds wey dey like Halleluyah Chorus remix by Terry G.

Seriously though, this kinds of discussions dey make me tire. Nobody on this earth fit sabi everything. That na true talk. But as a person, at every stage you dey for life, e get things wey you suppose to sabi. If you no sabi these things too, no be crime. Afterall, law no dey for that kind of thing. Wetin suppose be offence na when you find out say you no know something and instead of you to jeje learn that thing you either begin dey drag like say you na your papa act ‘Dragon Forever’. E suppose be offence too if you begin dey act like say e dey cool or sexy not to sabi anything.

Most of us love our country well well. Some of us dey pretend not to care sha. But all that na wash. See as people like me wey no too send for Basket Ball stay awake last night to watch as USA wan take their father play! As the game finish, we people just take vex begin ‘twitter-beat’ Ghana people! (Ghana no vex, na where our power reach be that). Seriously sha, we love our country and we all know, our government done fail us scatter. Everyday wey we wake up and believe say e no fit bad pass as e dey, e be like say we dey challenge dem. Before the day go end, dem go show us say we never see anything. So, all of us dey find change. Okay, maybe no be all of us (because as the country dirty like this, some people be like pigs), but a lot of us want change. We go like make our country begin grow again, make we get peace, security, electricity, roads, job, etc. And we go like make this change happen sharply.

But for us to drive that change, for us to push other people to do wetin dem suppose do, we need to ready ourselves with knowledge. We need to know our world and how things dey work for other places. We need to know about each other and our differences. We need to dey learn new things constantly. Even our different religions dey direct us to continue to dey learn new things. No be the Bible wey talk for Proverbs 18:15 say ‘Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.’ [New Living Translation]? What about the Prophet Mohammed (SAW) wey say ‘O my Lord! Increase me in knowledge [Koran, 20:114] and also order Muslims to ‘Seek knowledge even in China’? E mean say excuse no dey why we no suppose to try to improve ourselves.

And before you begin hammer our educational system, make I explain say no be school I dey talk. We know say our bad educational system dey contribute to wetin dey worry us, but as individuals, that excuse no correct. ‘Dem no teach me for school’ no be reason why you no suppose know say Obama na president of the USA. 

As some people wey get sense done talk before, whatever change wey we dey look for need to start with us. In fact, we need to be the change wey we dey look for. So therefore, na each of us responsibility to gather knowledge. Whether na to read books and newspapers or listen to/watch the news or watch films (I no talk say tune to Africa Magic and throway the remote o!) or ask questions, e no matter. The knowledge fit no be something wey we go use immediately; e fit no be something wey go put money for our pockets now now. But, a day go come when we fit use wetin we know to better ourselves, the people around us and maybe our country too.

That my friend wey no fit find Google for her Blackberry just call me. E be like say she done see am…. She dey sound a lot more... ehm…. Off I go!

This na @nfsqueezed on Twitter


  1. On point, brother. Some people no dey shame o.them go dey brag on top empty head. Check twitter sef, na to dey yarn obsceneties, nothing of value.

    1. Ah Twitter and Facebook na avenue for people to show themselves na. Misyarning Unlimited.

  2. People wey dey form as if dem too much....but when u go closer to dem na empty vessel dem be. You go see finechic wey no fit express herself. I don teach many of them other tins wey dey BB aside chatting....And some guys dey fall hand bigtime...wetin that ur guy daughter wan learn from am sef.

  3. Great stuff again! I know wetin u dey do! U dey look for followers ehn? Ntoooo! I nor go join!

    But I like this, laughed my head to bits!

    1. Thanks bro. You better join if you know wetin good for you. Or else, I go tell Sagalicious Delicious to give you some of that thing wey make am break person head for Vision 12.12.12!

  4. Na only one thing wey I wan tell u,so u get mouth for only where I dey,why u no answer that girl and ur friend,u see as u dey do partial.And when I been dey school,all the sexy girls,na dem no sabi anything,and the amazing thing be say na dem u guys dey like pass,I come dey wonder,who be the bigger mumu,the dumb sexy girls abi the guys

    1. Hmmm... person suppose use sense dey get mouth o. Our people say 'take your tongue count your teeth'.

  5. You neva see oh! Ppl no know and if you venture correct them pass as dem like, you no go like am oh! Empty heads/brains, na dem plenty pass for road. I neva recover for wetin America do our basketball team but true true, wetin I expect b4?

    1. You better recover o! Otherwise, as we dey in this committee-setting mood, we go set up committee to look into your recovery.

      As for correcting people, e hard to do unless dem dey close to you o. Sometimes e better to shut up.

  6. Replies
    1. I happy say e make you laugh. Abeg share with others.

  7. You killed me with the sabinus and Ignoramus bit. You really are funny, keep it up.

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